Blog 3 - Companions for the Journey

With every day that passes, I grow more and more convinced how ugly the world is, of how much suffering there is, and, unfortunately, of how it is the good who suffer the most. Meanwhile, we who have been given so many of God’s blessings have repaid Him poorly. This is an awful reality that racks my brain; while I’m studying, every so often I ask myself: will I continue on the right path? Will I have the strength to persevere all the way? In the face of this pang of doubt, the faith given to me in Baptism reassures me of this: by yourself, you will accomplish nothing, but if you place God at the center of all your actions, then you will reach the goal. -Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati

“You can trust us to stick to you through thick and thin – to the bitter end. And you can trust us to keep any secret of yours – closer than you yourself keep it. But you cannot trust us to let you face trouble alone, and go off without a word. We are your friends, Frodo. Anyway: there it is. We know most of what Gandalf has told you. We know a good deal about the ring. We are horribly afraid–but we are coming with you; or following you like hounds.”

― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

If the Cardinal virtues are my tools that I may need, well my companions are the Theological virtues which are Faith, Hope and Charity.  Faith is your belief in God and your total gift of yourself to Him the creator. Hope is the desire to be in communion with God--the desire to love Him and know Him which is the development of trust in Him and His seeking your heart. The next theological virtual is the greatest which is Charity.  Charity encompasses the greatest of commandments to love God with all your heart, mind and soul and love your neighbor as yourself.  Yes that is greatest and yet at times the hardest because you have to fight pride and humble yourself.  Well let me tell you if you ever went in for a surgical procedure or have been hospitalized for sometime, you become very humble quickly.  I had an appointment to see a local surgical oncologist but once my parents were informed, mostly my father, I quickly had an appointment with the Head of the surgical department at Ochsner's Hospital in New Orleans.  I decided that since the first appointment locally was after the one at Ochsner that I would go to both and then make a decision.  Ochsner Hospital was very familiar to me. It was the major place where my loved ones went for all operations and major medical issues. You see I am from the greater New Orleans area. I currently live in Lafayette, Louisiana since graduating from University of Louisiana, Lafayette. So going to my childhood home town was comforting. It was a familiar feeling in a time that was nothing but internal turbulence.  So before leaving for New Orleans, I went to the one place of peace for me.  I spent some time in Eucharistic Adoration. I gave all my anxiety to Him, and wrote a letter in my journal to my loved ones.

    Jesus I am calm but scared at the same time.  I don't know if my life has followed God's will or what He created me to do.  I feel unworthy, but I know that my worth is based on my Baptism as a son of the Father.  I desire to overcome my many faults and sins that I struggle with and often cling to, and make efforts to make my life a testament to your love for me.  May my response to this cross be an example of my love and faith for You.  I have felt You with me my whole life. Every time I fell in sin, You were there to help me up. So during this time of unknown, I will lean on You again. I offer the other side of my cross to carry with me as Simon helped You.  Jesus, I trust in You.  My hope is in your mercy.  You gave us your church for the sacraments for our sanctification.  I am grateful for this and could not do this with out them.  I will walk this journey with this cross with You where every it leads me. May I use this experience to become closer to Your Mother and to Your Most Sacred Heart, My dear Jesus. I trust in You.  

    My Dear Tanya, You have made my life complete.  When I met you in college our Freshman year you were not dating me, but at mass which you and I attended, I prayed to Mary if you could be my wife one day. She must have asked Jesus to answer this request as you know.  You have, and will always, made me happy that you and I made a covenant with God in marriage. Life has given us lots of for better or worse but I would never trade it for the world.  We have two wonderful sons together.  Please remember that my heart is for our God, but our love has been the manifestation of the love of the divine with our humanity. I pray for you always for your sanctification with our sons because that is my vocation of your husband and father of our boys. If God gives me more time, we will continue to grow spiritually and hopefully physically healthier. Our boys need our guidance, so we need to be there for them.  With God's will I will be there to help.  Our future is for Him. I love you always.  

    Gabriel,I know a push you and demand lots from you. It may feel that I don't care about your feelings, but it is because I want you to be the best version of yourself, and I realize more than ever that life is short. Do not live with regrets, and live your life in the way God intended for you to become. If it is for the married life, please be a better father than I.  I hope you become a nurse that can help people when they are most in need.  I have a very important job for you. You, as the firstborn, will have the responsibility to take care of your mother and brother if God calls me home.  This is why I want the best out of you because you will responsible for what is most precious to me. You see we do not know the hour or the day, and when you are young you always think you have more time. 

     Andrew,I want the best for you as well. I always believed you would be my priest. If it is your call, understand that you have my prayers and support. Whatever is your vocation, try your best to do God's will in your life.  Be strong for your mother and brother, and be like your namesake and make sure to bring your brother to the Lord if he strays.  Live life with passion and purpose.  

   Boys, I hope you both realize that you both are my crowning accomplishment in my life. My family is my love and my life's purpose.  Give all of yourselves to God's world and be humble servants. God has a plan for both of you. Listen to His call and say yes.  I love you both very much and you all make me very proud to be your father.

     These were my journal entries from Adoration that day. I was preparing for the worst but hoping for the best.  Now I am ready for the next step.