Don't lose heart. I have seen you struggle: today's defeat is training for the final victory. - St. Josemaría Escrivá
Do not be too eager to deal out death in judgement. For even the very wise cannot see all ends.
J. R. R. TOLKIEN, The Fellowship of the Ring
What is Diffuse Large B-Cell Lymphoma or Burkitt's Lymphoma? Non-Hodgkins is the only thing that I recognized. Waiting patiently for more determined results to determine the specific type of cancer is very difficult. Only thing to do is think, and wait. Ochsner's Pathology was working on finding out how aggressive it is and what strain of Lymphoma I had. That is important because that determines the treatment plan. So, I have more questions than answers. Doubts crawled slowly in my mind and heart. Am I at the right location to be treated? Is this the best place? "Everyone" says to go west, and I am here. This is not the only time I struggled with anxiety and fear during this journey, but this is where it started. However just as doubts crawled in, a soft wispier in my mind of "Do you trust me?" I would think, yes, but what about this? That reassuring whisper again... "Do you trust me? Sort of, but ," What if they get it wrong? Again, "Do you trust me? I thought then if I say it and don't believe it what is my faith but empty words. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and you shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light (Matthew 11:28-30).
Two weeks waiting and post operation and then onto the The Gayle and Tom Benson Cancer Center which is Ochsner's Cancer Institute. Celebrating Epiphany is so different this year which is the manifestation of Christ to the Gentiles as represented by the Magi. What gift do I have for the Christ child? I was embarking on a long journey to follow the light of Christ. My gift is hope, trust, and soon to be redemptive suffering. After the post op appointment, I will be given the results of pathology and the recommended treatment plan by my oncologist at the cancer center. The primary results indicated Large B-cell Lymphoma. However, it was difficult for them to genetically identify some of the markers. This is when I was informed that the MAYO clinic was also analyzing it.
I went to spend time in Adoration. Reflecting on the results and how I would be going through this unknown. It was my personal Exodus. I am writing in this journal of mine which was at first design was for my weight lost journey. I was struggling and have been all of my life. I remembered offering this struggle to Jesus to take. I prayed that I cannot do this alone. So many times I failed. Help me with this Lord. Cancer, is that it? Will I trade on cross for another? As it will become not a substitution but a combining. One that I created and one because of the latter. I fight obesity and cancer, but with God all things is possible and in His time not mine.
Every day is a gift from God. We can do nothing without Him. Cancer makes more profound our weaknesses, sins, anxiety, fears, and suffering. All one can do is decide how to respond to a cancer diagnosis. Fight is prudent and necessary, but more importantly what good can one offer. I am going to go through it. I have no choice, but what can I offer. My gift my Lord is redemptive suffering for souls in purgatory, for my family's sanctification, and mostly for a young girl in Lafayette going through her own medical condition and her journey. Our crosses can be burdensome and may be carried for a long and hard road, but it is worth going through with a purpose beyond the physical. Again enjoy each day for you to give by service to others. Live life well!
Two weeks waiting and post operation and then onto the The Gayle and Tom Benson Cancer Center which is Ochsner's Cancer Institute. Celebrating Epiphany is so different this year which is the manifestation of Christ to the Gentiles as represented by the Magi. What gift do I have for the Christ child? I was embarking on a long journey to follow the light of Christ. My gift is hope, trust, and soon to be redemptive suffering. After the post op appointment, I will be given the results of pathology and the recommended treatment plan by my oncologist at the cancer center. The primary results indicated Large B-cell Lymphoma. However, it was difficult for them to genetically identify some of the markers. This is when I was informed that the MAYO clinic was also analyzing it.
I went to spend time in Adoration. Reflecting on the results and how I would be going through this unknown. It was my personal Exodus. I am writing in this journal of mine which was at first design was for my weight lost journey. I was struggling and have been all of my life. I remembered offering this struggle to Jesus to take. I prayed that I cannot do this alone. So many times I failed. Help me with this Lord. Cancer, is that it? Will I trade on cross for another? As it will become not a substitution but a combining. One that I created and one because of the latter. I fight obesity and cancer, but with God all things is possible and in His time not mine.
Every day is a gift from God. We can do nothing without Him. Cancer makes more profound our weaknesses, sins, anxiety, fears, and suffering. All one can do is decide how to respond to a cancer diagnosis. Fight is prudent and necessary, but more importantly what good can one offer. I am going to go through it. I have no choice, but what can I offer. My gift my Lord is redemptive suffering for souls in purgatory, for my family's sanctification, and mostly for a young girl in Lafayette going through her own medical condition and her journey. Our crosses can be burdensome and may be carried for a long and hard road, but it is worth going through with a purpose beyond the physical. Again enjoy each day for you to give by service to others. Live life well!
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