Blog 9 - Treatment Plan

Let nothing disturb you, Let nothing frighten you, All things are passing; God only is changeless.

Patience gains all things. Who has God wants nothing. God alone suffices. - St. Teresa of Avila

Maybe the paths that you each shall tread are already laid before your feet, though you do not see them. - Lady Galadriel, J. R. R. Tolkien

     My treatment plan was not the one I wanted, but it is the one I will go through.  After my last hope, for MD Anderson confirmed the same plan as Ochsner's, my options and choices were made.  When I got the word from MD Anderson, the Gospel for that day was the sower of seeds.  I can identify my spiritual life as the seeds falling in all three places. I desire to be the good soil to bear good fruit. I want to do God's will alone in my life, and with all the positive test results coming in, well, it is easier to be that soil.  I felt Him near me and I was faithful. However, when I had to decide on the place to have my treatments done, Houston or NOLA, that is when my faith was in that of rocky soil or the soil among the thorns.  Everything was going so well.  I was going to be alright.  With the news and a decision to be made, I wavered for a moment. I doubted again.  Thought, what I should I do?  When things got tough, well I didn't get going.  I was questioning why was had good results and the girl in Lafayette facing a different medical problem was not.  Other intentions that I offered my pain for were not changing.  Hems and haws and doubts were my fruits which started to remind me that I am acting as the rocky soil.  I need to correct myself.  Jesus, I trust in You needs to be my desire and belief, not just an empty mantra.

     On the 28th of January when I was in the waiting room to place my port in my chest. I saw a video of Father Mike Schmitz's SEEK 19 talk on how we may love Jesus but often nothing changes.  We may love him but we do not make room for Him,  This is what was happening to me. Instead of inviting Him in my heart full of  doubts, I was pushing Jesus out of with my problems and concerns. When you experience the power of God in your life, you need to change and change your mind, heart, and hope.  I am called to be that good seed and say yes to His plan for my life. My will power will fade and feelings will wax and wane.  How soon do I forget! This talk was just what I needed to re-embrace my situation, exactly what I needed to hear.  I inherited this environment, but if I don't change my attitude I will not live the Gospels.  I need to remember the amazing things God has done in my life. I cannot be indifferent. With a humble heart and in my actions, I can act as a witness of the Truth.  I am made strong with His grace, and I will get up again and carry this cross.