When it is all over, you will not regret having suffered; rather you will regret having suffered so little and suffered that little so badly.
— Bl. Sebastian Valfré
"He often used to say there was only one Road; that it was like a great river: its springs were at every doorstep and every path was its tributary. 'It’s a dangerous business, Frodo, going out of your door,' he used to say. 'You step into the Road, and if you don’t keep your feet, there is no telling where you might be swept off to.'"-Frodo Baggins, J.R.R. Tolkien
"Father if you could take this cup from me, but not my will but yours." I pray that I can follow God's will in my life. May I learn from this experience, and grow in faith. I am holding this cross closely, and embracing it. To feel all of it details. So that I can become familiar with this cross. Come cross we have work to do.
Healing service with Fr. Manny, my father, my firstborn, and myself was the first stop before going to NOLA for a bone marrow biopsy, a PET scan, and an ECG to prepare for chemotherapy. St. Thomas More High School had the service planned which was something that I was not going to miss. Fr. Manny prayed and laid hands on me for my intentions. I wanted to survive but I also wanted to my father to develop his relationship with God and His church. I wanted to develop his relationship with the sacraments. In good time but that was what I prayed for.
The first round of tests was the next morning. Walking into these different procedures gave me time to think. It was scary but not painful, at least not physically. The bone biopsy was humbling with two attempts by my Nurse Practitioner. She did not get quite enough sample in the first scraping. Sorry, she said but it needs to be longer to get more material. I was thinking wonderful. You did see that I have lots of cushion and my bottom is not spared. Well she went in again and the pressure is felt, but more mental anguish. First test done, Spinal tap and PET scan next. This was needed to see if the cancer was located anywhere else. With being such a big person it takes a lot to balance with my arms above my head. While the test was running, I could not move and of course what your brain wants to do is to move. Itching was becoming a major problem. Staring up to the light source that is a sky with trees and clouds was calming but the desire to move was overwhelming. I was saying a rosary in my brain, but with so much temptation to move. All of the sudden when I thought I was going to move, my cell phone started to ring. At first I was embarrassed that I forgot to turn it off when I placed it the the nearby chair. However, I started to wonder who was calling. Just then five minutes later the test was completed. I was able to leave and make the all familiar trip across the Pontchartrain Causeway. While on the bridge, I listen to the voicemail. It was my friend from prayer group. He was saying that during his morning meditation my name came to his mind. He wanted to pray with me. So, being very moved by his offer and believing that God was answering my own prayer to finish that scan without moving, I quickly called him. I shared why he called and I shared why I needed it. Wow was his response and we said a prayer together with him leading and finishing with his characteristic singing which then, and even now, brings joy to my heart.
My chemo port is next to put in for preparation. On the positive, the bone marrow and PET scan results were negative. Well that was the good news, and what not so good my lymphoma has a MYC marker. So, the decision to have R-CHOP or R-EPOCH was still yet to be determined. However, because of the high replication rate, my oncologist recommends R-EPOCH which is the more intense treatment plan. So much so that the first round is inpatient in the hospital.
So an appointment at MD Anderson to see what their findings and treatment plan. MD Anderson is at a different level. It was amazing, but it was not home. I just felt lost in a large system. Don't get me wrong, that place was wonderful and gave me wonderful advice. However, their results were the same as Ochsner's treatment plan. I was on my way across the lake for another test when my doctor at MD Anderson called and recommended R-EPOCH. I was not going to have the easier route. My cross got heavier, but I was not alone. Jesus, I trust in You.
No comments:
Post a Comment